It's been a while since my last entry in this blog. I could use the excuse that I've been busy with my life and blah blah blah that I just haven't had the time. Honestly? I have been busy but busy doing nothing. My life is such that with PTSD I have time, lots of it but doing something with it seems to be too hard. Part of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is the inability to process information. This means that at times (more than I like) I find it hard to do simple things such as read. I start to read and it just all blurs and my mind starts to wander. So writing anything longer than two lines can also be a major struggle. What makes it worse is that I know I can do better, I know I used to do better but doing it is almost impossible. If I need to write anything I do it on the computer where I can do a little, save it and then come back later. Everything is done in small bites sized chunks.

PTSD has all sorts of symptoms. Anger, agression, fear, hyper vigilence, etc. Trying to deal with one and then swinging to the other end of the spectrum is draining. You can be set of by small trivial things. One example is that I ordered some chicken pieces from a pizza joint. They were delivered to my house still cold from the freezer in the middle. I rang up and complained, got told that it couldn't have happened. I told that it did and I wanted it replaced. I ended up talking to the manager (some 18 year old) and explained the health impact of eating chicken that was not reheated properly (as it's cooked previously). I was angry at the time, furious even. Well he said he'd replace it without any problems. I got off the phone and went from being angry to scared and sad and started crying. Once it passes your tired and just want to sleep.

So this is why I took so long before I entered this blog. Mind you, I'm not sure anyone would actually want to read this anyway.